HOMO Fanaticus

In 1963, she was in London. Forty-five years later, she’s in me. Elizabeth Taylor’s in me! I just discovered her. [more . . . ]

But not for me. [more . . . ]

Listen An Ode In Appreciation To All Four Five Of My Reader/Commentators, Sung By The Incomparable MagnifiCathy Herself, La Berberian.

Now that I’ve rediscovered my scanner, expect periodic guest appearances by life coach Joan Crawford.

Chapter IV, The Pleasure Of Company, p.68

Noel Coward once said, “Joan not only gives a party, she goes to it!”

I think that’s one secret of a good party: all the arrangements seems as effortless as if they floated down from a nearby cloud and the hostess had nothing to do but enjoy herself.

Wise words to remember, boys. After all, Southern Decadence is right around the corner. It’s never too early to be thinking about the Black Party either.

Yes, Joan, we see the prominently-placed can of Diet Pepsi-Cola. Is that a bottle of Pepsi on ice as well? Wow Joan, you were a true Renaissance woman. You practically invented product placement, and yet you’ve never gotten the credit you so richly deserve. Hedy Lamarr may have invented radar, but you created something which impacts us every waking moment of our lives.

But Joan, surely you don’t think we actually believe that’s Diet Pepsi-Cola in your glass? The smile gives you away. That ain’t no Diet Pepsi-Cola smile.

Next month on Oprah’s opera-club: [more . . . ]

I have a question, or rather something that needs a definitive answer. It’s been nagging at me for years, so much so that it often keeps me up at night, tossing & turning, back & forth, from this conclusion to that conclusion, with still no satisfactory conclusion after all these years. So, I’m throwing this one out to all of you, the enlightened musical ears out there in the dark, in hopes of finding an answer, and some peace of mind.

[more . . . ]

As a child, I always wanted to play with my older sister’s paper doll but never got to. Never . No doubt, many readers of this blog will share my pain. Well, now, for only $5.95 , one lucky formerly-oppressed homosexual will be able to satisfy his inner opera fanatic and his inner girlie-girl simultaneously. Outside of gay night at the Met, how often does that happen?

“16 well-researched, accurately detailed dolls, each with one additional costume, represent such inspiring figures as Sojourner Truth, Mary McLeod Bethune, Zora Neale Hurston, Althea Gibson, Rosa Parks, Leontyne Price , Maya Angelou, Shirley Chisholm, Toni Morrison, and 7 others in an informative and inspiring collection. 32 color illustrations”

I wonder who these people are trying to sell this thing to. Without Leontyne on the cover none of the opera fanatic kindern will even notice it. I certainly didn’t as a child. Did you? Oh wait, I do see Shirley Verrett …

I’m think I’m gonna pass on this showcase, Bob. $5.95 is a little pricey for my budget these days, what with the depression & all. For such an exorbitant sum, I’d insist upon the accompanying David Garvey paper doll as well.

Carol Templeton (Doris Day): Mmm. This isn’t bad, either. But what color’s that floor?
Leonard: Lilac.
Carol Templeton: Lilac? Leonard, who has a lilac floor in their kitchen?
Leonard: I have.
Carol Templeton: Oh. Well, Leonard, everyone isn’t as artistic as you are.
[Flawless Doris Double-Take]

The Gayest Movie Of 1961 — And It’s All About Straight People. [more . . . ]

To the hottie around the corner on Lombard Street who waxes “Daddy’s” tricked-out BMW convertible every Friday night with next-to-nothin on. God Bless America. [more . . . ]

“I, Claudius” is one of my Desert Island DVDs. I’m watching it again for the the umpteenth million time, except that this time I’ve ripped it to my computer. No more scratched discs. Hurray!

So let us celebrate ancient Roman hottie Marcellus, who doesn’t survive even one hour with Livia! I’m always a sucker for a man in a toga.

“Livia, now, was accused of having caused the death of Marcellus, because he had been preferred before her sons; but the justice of this suspicion became a matter of controversy by reason of the character both of that year and of the year following, which proved so unhealthful that great numbers perished during them. And, just as it usually happens that some sign occurs before such events, so on this occasion a wolf was caught in the city, fire and storm damaged many buildings, and the Tiber, rising, carried away the wooden bridge and made the city navigable for boats during three days.” (Dio Cassius)

LIVIA: “I shall move my room next to yours and I shall prepare all your food myself. You’ll see what dainty little things can be served up to to tempt a weak appetite”

MARCELLUS: “That’s very good of you”
LIVIA: “No, no, my dear. Goodness has nothing to do with it.”

I hope Livia at least ravished the boy before she finished him off! Alas, Robert Graves is silent on the subject. Read more about Hunky Marcellus at Wikipedia.

I was reading the February issue of “Men’s Health: Best LIfe” magazine the other day (the one with speed racer hottie Jeff Gordon on the cover) and was surprised to find The Nathan Gunn Workout lurking amidst all the flat-belly diets, fatherhood tips for dangerous dads, and Jack Nicholson seduction clinics.

“A budding opera star shows you the hotel-room workout that has given him the most powerful upper body on the circuit” Go read it.

I don’t want to brag, but … I’ve had some memorable workouts in hotel-rooms too. I’ve been worked-out, worked-up, and worked-over in some of the finest suites across Manhattan. But I’ve never been baritoned in one. Never, ever. Not even once. I have been countertenored though, on numerous occasions, once for an entire weekend at the old Empire Hotel. Head voice, lots of it, and not much else.

“Worst case scenario, I ditch the charm offensive and bring out my big gun, Suze Orman. G said she’s been calling this mess for years, and girlfren’s got bigger balls than any of us.”
-Linda Keenan (The Huffington Post)